I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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