Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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