The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
