what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
