I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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