I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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