Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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