It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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