I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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