i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
