FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
