For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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