Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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