Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
