Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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