Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize