'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
