I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
where are my eyebrows?
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