That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
