I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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