smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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