oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
