Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
