today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
