Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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