My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
