I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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