So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Can I color on your dick again?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
