hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
