then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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