I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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