how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
