Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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