You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
