Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
