I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
