She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
