She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Someone signed my nipple.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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