im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bring me that man meat
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
