I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
