Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
