my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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