I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
