My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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