The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
