1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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