Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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