We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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