Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
