i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Where are you guys?
Drunk
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize