I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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