walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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