haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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