After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
