Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
