Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
