So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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