uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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