Your face is a jimmy john
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
