bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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