I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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