after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
