so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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