yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
