what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Randomize
